I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
