Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
