I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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