No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
