God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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