I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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