My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is my gift to your gina
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
