Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
