i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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