Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
