I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
