Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
