I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
