so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize