Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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