Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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