"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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