The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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