Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
