im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
