I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
