my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
