Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
