i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
