Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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