He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
