What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
