When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
