quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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