I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
