Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
