evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I faked an abortion last night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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