Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
