doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
