I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
