i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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