I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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