drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
