the condom got lost in my hair
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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