is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
