God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
