i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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