i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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