Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
