I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
