ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
