dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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