i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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