Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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