I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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