I think I won the penis lottery.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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