mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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