K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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