Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
