oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
