I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
