Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
