Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
