I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
