I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize