That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
