I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize