Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And then he peed in my hair
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