so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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