do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
