Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
