I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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