someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
