I can tuck mytits in my pants
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
is wine microwaveable?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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