Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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