Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
