You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
