I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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