I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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