Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
