I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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