Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
