I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
