i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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