try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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