i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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