i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.