Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
