so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa