Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
