So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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