so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
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screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
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'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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