did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
