just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
