The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
