did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
